Summer Blues
by Imorb
Summary: Summers here, and friends are away. Alone, he sits in the playground, worrying of things to come. It was his last summer. Then a stranger comes to ruin his solitude. There was a REASON he was Just-Axel. Because you couldn't find someone who was just Axel.


Summer Blues

By: Imorb

Inspired by: Time Keeps On Going by Norikuu

A/N: Crazy little thoughts of mine being pressed onto Roxas. Except Roxas has an Axel, so his imaginary life is _still _better than mine. Oh well. : ) This's me, so there's sure to be madness. What a silly Alice I am! Enjoy.

**NEW: Added the last section... I had the idea of it before, but I wasn't sure if it wold fit with the flow but... I said fuck it. XD**

* * *

Summer_ (n) _The warmest season of the year, falling between spring and autumn. It runs from June to August in the northern hemisphere and from December to February in the southern hemisphere.

_(adj.) _Seasonal, traveling, **t e m p o r a r y**.

The Last Summer

He sat alone in the playground. No one ever came here it seemed. Children staid inside now adays, being forced to grow up faster and faster. It had been years since he himself had played here. This place had been a sanctuary for the youth, where there was nothing to do but play. This was the very place he had met the friends he thought would last forever.

He swung his feet, gaining momentum as he made the swing go back and forth. He had been naïve back then, as children were suppose to be, yet so few were anymore. But like all children do, and will, no matter how fast, he grew up. Perhaps a bit quicker than his friends; they were still delaying the maturity that would soon be thrust upon them. It had happened subtly, slowly, so the others didn't seem to notice.

He'd always thought Olette was the mature one of the group, always telling them to stay out of fights and nagging them to get their homework done. But no, she still lived in the world of children. Older, bigger kids, but without the worries of adults.

Silently, for how long now he was unsure, he had those worries. And he also had a knowledge his other friends did not.

He knew the "forever" among childhood friends was temporary. When they grew up and went their separate ways it would not be long till they never spoke to each other again. And as he learned this, his life time friends seemed to become transparent. Fake and fading like his laughter. Soon his fears would come true, and they would fade away completely.

His blue eyes closed tightly, but he didn't get the sensation of flying while he was swinging like when he was a kid. His mind and heart had been too well grounded.

He became quieter, excluding himself from his friends. They just thought it was a phase, he'd come around eventually. How could they understand that their friend now lived in a different world than them?

Shortly they'd have to be part of that world, if they were ready or not.

It was the last summer.

Many summers would come and go, but this was the last for him. The last summer vacation he'd ever have. He'd be a senior when school started. That was it. The END. Over. Finite. The line had been drawn. It had been given a date. It was on a calendar and coming closer.

His rapid pumping creased, and he was now just simply swaying himself in the seat. It was the last summer and he was afraid. Unlike the other summers he knew this was the real end. Worst of all, his (temporary) friends weren't there to distract him.

Olette was away with relatives, Hayner was taking a trip to Destiny Island, and Pence was teaching at a band camp. And that was why Roxas was alone, left to drown in his overly emotional thoughts.

Why had he come to the playground in the first place? He didn't honestly know. It didn't make him feel better, didn't make him feel worse either. Everything was very still there, but time was moving too fast.

"Hey, Blondie!"

Roxas looked up in surprise. A tall red headed boy was smirking at him. When he had gotten there, he didn't have a clue. When he didn't answer, the red head's grin only widened, and he made a move to sit next to him.

"Whatcha doin', Blondie?" he teased.

He averted his eyes away from the other male, "Nothing."

"Hey Blondie-"

"What do you want already?"

Using his long bean poll like legs Red pulled himself closer to Roxas. He seemed to be thinking a moment, before completely ignoring his question with instead, "You're alone."

"You're here, aren't you?" he grumbled his eyes locked onto the earth.

"I might be just a figment of your imagination you created out of loneliness." he stated with a thoughtful expression, his voice was kind of thick, as though laced with smoke.

"I'm not that creative," he admitted monotonously.

"That's a real shame, it would have been seriously funny if I convinced you that you're crazy."

"Hardy-har-har," Roxas murmured sarcastically. His eyes finally turned to a quick scan the other.

His eyes were green. Really green. His hair was not a shade away from fire truck. He was pale and thin, his limbs seemingly had been stretched out until they were the size of spaghetti. And under those eyes, those fiery green eyes, there was a pair of tattoos.

"Have you ever done something _really _crazy before? Something really stupid that makes no sense after you've done it?"

Looking out towards the quiet little town he lived in, Roxas shook his head a bit unhappily. "Probably, but nothing big enough that I can really remember off the top of my head. I don't _try _to be stupid."

"That's a smart answer," admitted the stranger. "But that's an old person's answer. You're suppose to have a whole list of dumb shit you've done wrong. You're a teenager." He swayed side to side, lightly bumping into the blond occasionally, seemingly totally on purpose.

"But I **am **old," Roxas sighed tiredly. Man, did he feel it.

"You're too young to be old yet," he argued jokingly.

The blond was silent as he looked into the other boy's eyes. He bit his lip, not knowing how to really respond. The words had been soft, lighthearted, but there was a sternness in his eyes, a fire, somehow almost evil… well, not evil but dark perhaps. Forcefulness.

Scared, he quickly turned away to look at his shoes. There was a long_, _impregnated pause after that, which made Roxas want to twitch. He began to wonder if the other boy had just gotten bored by now and had been able to sneak away without his notice. Or perhaps he really was a figment of his imagination? Or worse of all, he _was _really there and was probably staring at him like he had just gotten out of the loony bin.

An odd prickling went up his neck, something like a insect crawling on him, but when he turned his head he instead came nose to nose with his new companion. Somehow he had moved, no longer in the swing beside him, but standing, hovering above him. And he could see the darkness full force in his eyes this time; emeralds, velvet, pine trees, acid, all those kind of things except _on fire_. And those dark eyes were set ablaze with a purpose.

"You should have fun this summer," he whisper casually, though what ever it was he intended to do with Roxas was certainly there in some kind of an undertone. The red head pulled away grinning, "After all, it's almost over."

Blushing a deep pink the teen glared annoyed, "What's that suppose to mean!"

He looked out on the setting sun, a giant red ball over Roxas's hometown. "You know better than me, Old Man."

There was another pause, much shorter and not at all awkward. "What's your name?"

"Axel- just Axel."

Summer Love

Nearly everyday, and certainly every night, Roxas was by Axel's side. In the morning they'd go hiking or swim or just ride around in Axel's car. And at night they'd make love. Some nights at Roxas's, a few times at Axel's when his relatives weren't home, several times in the car, but usually it was under the stars.

It was beautiful, and pure, and innocent, and Roxas was so unbelievably happy. But this was a summer love, which was fine but… summer only lasted so long.

There was a _reason _Axel was Just-Axel and there was a **reason **he was Just-Roxas. Because when this came to an end they wouldn't be allowed to get attached. Because you couldn't _find _someone who was "Just-Axel". And Just-Axel was just visiting, he'd be gone by September and then Just-Roxas would never see him again. He'd have nothing. No name, no address, no phone number, not even a license plate (the car was barrowed from a friend and would be sold soon after returning it).

Roxas didn't know what he'd do after this was done. He was in love. It was only summer love, temporary, like everything about summer, but it was still real. Foolish, young, ridiculous, but very real. And it would hurt a bit in the end.

But for now Axel was his and he was Axel's, and they'd be together "forever". They'd "always" be in love. "No matter _what _happened" they'd figure it out. It was all a hoax, an illusion. Completely temporary, but he understood how it was. Right now it meant everything, but when the leaves started to change they had to walk away like it never happened. It was ok if he cried. It was ok if he was sad. But he wasn't allowed to show it. Not over something as trivial as this.

The blond went on with it of course, he pretended that summer wasn't ever going to end. Axel was certainly a good distraction. The red head was a rather spontaneous (read "impulsive") person and always would find something they "had" to do. What it was varied greatly. May it be something as simple as getting ice cream or watching the sunset to more extreme things like concerts or driving five days straight to go to the ocean.

Axel must have had some kind of kick for making Roxas try new things, anything that got the blond out of his comfort zone seemed to enthralled the fiery teen.

In the short time he had left of his summer Roxas did more new things than he had done in the entirety of his life combined. He'd been snorkeling and sky diving, he had stood on mountains, he'd learned how to play four whole songs on the guitar and could point out every constellation in the Northern Hemisphere. He'd gotten a tan and snuck into a bar (where he got drunk for the first time). He knew how to make balloon animals and had gained about forty-seven new Cds from bands he had never heard of before. He had found out so much random trivia from Snapple caps that he could host a game show. In short, he had lived.

And Axel was the one who had made him live. Live so damn much that it ached so bad in his muscles at the end of the day, but he always managed to stare up at the stars before he fell asleep. Some places they were brighter than others, but he'd connect the patterns together of what he could. It made him a bit sad to look at the stars, to know some of them were already dead and they were just getting to see them now. He didn't really look at them in a nerdy, scientific way. He saw them as living things. Of course he new they were flaming balls of gas but… in theory everything was made of stardust, and he was alive.

They'd be in the middle of the woods, butt naked, just about to go to sleep and that's what Roxas would think of. Even after Axel had fallen asleep long before, he'd just continue to stare at them and think, "How many are really there? And for how long will they be there? Because _everything _is temporary," and that's about when something worse than his muscles would begin to ache. There were only so many days until summer ended. Only so many days that Axel's pointy chin would wrest on his chest as they slept. Only so many days until graduation, and college, work, marriage, kids… death.

A slither of liquid went down his face, and he held back a small sob.

"Stop crying," grumbled a very tired, very annoyed voice.

Roxas wasn't really sure when he began full out bawling, but he felt really stupid being so childish in front of Axel (while naked at that, can't get much more bare than _that_). He huffed uncontrollably (again feeling very dumb).

The red head sighed out a long sigh, and Roxas was pretty sure he was about to eat him out for waking him up (Axel liked his sleep), but instead he simply sat up and pulled the smaller boy to his chest, wrapping his arms around him and laying his chin on his head. The blond made some kind of mixed up noised that usually would have been a gasp. He didn't feel stupid anymore, and even though it should have been really awkward he felt better. That was, until he thought about when Axel was going to ask him what was wrong (because surely he couldn't go on about how the stars may be dead and people were stardust and how soon he'd be having a job and what not, that would be a stupid thing to cry about).

Axel didn't ask him what was wrong that night. He didn't ask Roxas anything. The most noise he made was a soft hum while he held the younger boy. And in that moment the blond believed he'd found his soul mate. Axel didn't ask because he was a jerky asshole (though sometimes he was), it was because he knew not to ask. He knew that the blond didn't want him to ask, and even if he wanted to know he wouldn't ask until Roxas wanted to be asked.

Roxas held onto Axel for dear life that night.

_There was only so many days…_

Summer's End 

Just-Axel was just visiting, so Just-Roxas shouldn't have been surprised when he was asked to help the red head pack his stuff up for his trip back home. But there was a new part of him, a little part that had taken control for quite sometime now, and it hoped that Just-Axel would stay _just _a little longer, at least till he graduated, then they could just… _**leave**_! Or he could ask Roxas to come with him. Whatever it had to be. Something had to happen.

But nothing was said that night that hinted to either option or any other that didn't have Axel leaving in the morning. Nothing that whole short part of summer had pointed to Roxas magically being able to stay with Axel.

They had sex that night like any other night. It wasn't any different than usual. It wasn't better than usual or resentful or anything like that. It still had that same amount of love in it that made it magical. The only difference about that night was that Axel was going to be gone in the morning. Axel didn't act like he was. He held Roxas as he always did, lied on his chest in the same place. Nothing at all was different…

Except the suitcase at the end of the red head's mattress.

The next day Roxas felt lost for words as he helped to stuff the older male's belongings into his car. There was so many thoughts, so many things he wanted to say, but instead he just wound up blankly staring at Axel from time to time, his mouth agape.

It was still pretty early when they had gotten everything settled, six thirty at the latest. Roxas could feel it, the little prickle of cold in the air that meant summer was over. In a week or so the leaves would begin to change colors.

He stood there awkwardly, Axel wasn't going to leave _right now _was he? The red head moved backwards out of the car, putting the last box in place. His pale lips turned upward as his green orbs swept over the nervous wreck standing before him.

"Did you have a good summer, Old Man?"

"It was the best thing that ever happened to me." The blond looked into the other man's eyes, wanting to absorb as much as he could of him, even though it stung a bit in his heart. Roxas tried to portray how desperate he was in that moment, but it either was ignored or went unnoticed by Axel.

"It was funny, you acted almost like a kid."

He managed a half smile, it felt something like irony, "Yeah, funny…"

Suddenly Axel's arms were around him and he was pulled to the taller man's chest. And just for that moment, the small, crazy part of Roxas thought everything was going to be ok, that he would be able to keep Axel. The wine haired man's lip graced his forehead, soft and tender, he closed his azure eyes in reassurance.

"Goodbye."

Roxas had been fooled.

He didn't know what happened, his soul was too busy being smushed to pay much attention to the real world, but it ended up in the blond just standing where his summer love left him, watching the dust the car left behind.

Roxas didn't cry that day, he couldn't, but what he did feel was much worse he was sure.

Falling to Pieces

The streets of Hallow Bastion were busy. Mobs of people hurried to one place or another, all too busy to notice anything but what they were doing. It took a very large disturbance to draw the attention of strangers.

A grey haired man in a business suite, normal. A women carrying her groceries, normal. Teenagers talking on their cell phones, normal. Everyone saw, but nobody cared.

So no one gave much thought to the young man holding a sleeping little girl in his arms. They'd been to the zoo, and though they had both enjoyed it, the child had nearly fallen over with exhaustion at the end of the excitement. So the young man had picked her up, allowing her to fall asleep as they made their way home.

The young man didn't expect someone to bump into him, though it wasn't surprising, the city was packed. What was surprising was whom.

Just as he had time to react and step back a bit, meaning to apologize he was struck stiff at the sight of flaming spikes.

"Why hello, Old Man." a chuckle escaped the intruder's lips.

He was not exactly the same, not as nicely preserved as he'd been in young male's mind. He was thinner, his skin was sickly pale, his crimson locks were grimy and had grown out so they barely stood up as they use to. His clothes were unwashed and smelled greatly of ash and mildew. There were dark circles under his eyes, showing many sleepless nights.

To any other person on that street he was disgusting.

To Roxas, he was gorgeous.

He took in a deep breath, "Hello, Axel."

The man eyes suddenly seemed to be magnetized to the sleeping bundle in the blond's arms, Roxas's following.

"She yours? Looks just like you."

"Yeah… she doesn't have a trace of her mother in her. No matter how many times I look, she's just… just like me." His words felt unreal, it wasn't **that **summer, it wasn't summer _period_, why was his love invading his sleep? It had happened before, on blistering midsummer days when he went home to visit his parents. When he managed to sneak away from the hustle and bustle and take a nap in the forest, Axel, Just-Axel, would be there. But it was _fall_, and Just-Axel had never gotten older as this one had. It confused him to no end.

Roxas swallowed, shifting the little girl's weight in his arms, "What are you doing here?"

The flaming emeralds of the other male's wandered back onto his face, appearing amused by the his question. "Auh, ya'know, stopping by to see a friend. No business or anythin', just visiting."

Something like scorn, (or perhaps that awful irony again) shot through his veins.

"You're **always **'_just visiting'_." Roxas wasn't sure why he said it, it probably didn't make any sense to Axel. The red head could be a very steady person, this might have been a really unusual trip he made, heck, it might have been the second time in his life he left home for all the blond knew! But for some reason, whether out of understanding or not, Axel laughed at what he said as though the jest was to be expected.

It pulled at the blond's heart to hear the noise, but he ignored whatever it was. This wasn't the time or place for feelings to get mixed in. Trying to keep his breathing regulated he spoke, mindlessly trying to distract both of them with equally mindless questions.

"So what have you been up to?"

Suddenly the glint in Axel's eyes seemed dampen, dowsing the spark within them. His face adopted a blank, sort of dead look. It scared Roxas, he didn't want to see the other like this, even if this _was _just a dream!

(_It was a dream, it __**had **__to be…_)

The man's voice became husky, and his eyes seemed far away. "I was partying, I got kicked out of my parents house, I started drinking, just crashing at whoever's house… I didn't know their names half the time. One day I woke up and I was doing drugs like I'd been doing 'em since I was born. I tired to stop a couple time but I found I didn't care enough to actually do it. If I hadn't bumped into you I'd probably be high off my ass right now."

He took in a deep breath before continuing, "I got into gang fights, I watched my brother get shot and killed, I barely been eatin', got no house, no job, no money. I don't know what the time is or the date. My toe kinda hurts and I think it's gonna rain tonight."

Roxas absorbed the information quickly. All of it was horrible, but it was Axel, and he'd willing drown in whatever he gave him.

"I graduated high school second in my class; I went to college while working as an intern at an office. I got married as soon as I finished school. We bought a house, had our daughter. I work eight to five, five days a week and get paid pretty good… We go wherever she wants for vacation… I'm saving already for Nami's college fund and I'm dreading her first day of kindergarten. My parents are really proud of me. I… everything's normal, it's how it's suppose to be…" The words stung at the back of the blond's throat, his eyes glued to the girl in his arms, his face twitching into a half smile.

The glint had returned into Axel's eyes, along with the laughter.

"But is it what you wanted?" he asked knowingly.

Roxas looked up, his blue eyes pleading, just as the day Axel had left. "I wish it was."

That night Roxas cried in the way only old men can. Softly, silently, and seemingly without reason. His wife tried to comfort him, rubbing his back, begging to know what was wrong, but he just pushed her away gently. Axel was his soul mate, the blond was sure now. Axel knew, he knew everything. And Roxas knew too, he knew he couldn't keep Axel, that he wasn't to offer food or clothes, he had to let him leave just like last time. He couldn't go after the red head.

_(Because you couldn't find someone who was __**Just-**__Axel.)_

The forecast that night said the skies were sure to be clear. _But oh, the irony_, though the old man, _how hard it is raining!_

* * *

Winter's Kiss

Roxas saw Axel again, years later, when Namine had just started middle school and his wife had began to get a dent in her forehead. It wasn't where the blond had thought it would be, but then again, where _did _he expect Axel to be (besides his memories)?

It was not the Axel he remembered, not the one from that summer, not even the one from that awful fall. It was an Axel from a little before he had met him, without diamonds under his eyes and a bit of a rounder face. A school picture, in a news paper...

In the obituaries.

It had been hard to miss that hair, even in black and white. Love flickered through his eyes admittedly, the context in which the sight was seen still not registered.

_Axel Sinclair, 35, was found two days ago in a third district apartment, killed of an overdose. If the overdose was accidental or on purpose is unknown. Two men who had been in the apartment (they refused to give their names) at the time cops found the body had said that Mr. Sinclair had been suicidal for some time now. When questioned on why they had not reported the body they stated "they hadn't noticed". The police finally investigated when neighbors complained of a horrible smell; the body might have gone unnoticed for a week or so. _

_On the right is a picture of Mr. Sinclair's junior year, the most recent picture known of him. He has no known living family, girlfriend, ect._

_State officials saw that the body was properly buried in Wellington Cemetery outside of Traverse Town. Any information on Mr. Sinclair, please call your local police station. _

Tears didn't leave his eyes, he could not believe it. He had to go, he had to see it for himself. He drove and drove, until he came to the quiet cemetery. Fresh snow crunched under his feet, but he didn't feel the cold. He felt nothing but one drive, to find Axel.

There was no tombstone yet, but he was still easy to find (he told himself that this was their connection, but he knew this was just a pretty lie).

Roxas's body crashed down upon the the newly upturned earth that his love lay underneath. He gripped at it, clawing at it to bring them closer. Only when his fingers became numb and bloody did he begin to cry. He was in this world an Axel was not. He hadn't felt any different a few days ago to suggest the red head was gone... but they were soul mates, weren't they?

Perhaps not. Perhaps they were just a fling. A summer fuck. Was that all Roxas had been to him? He decided he didn't care. Axel had held him under the dying summer stars and had made everything worth it. All the lies before it, all the regret after, it had all been for one summer. It only made sense that he would die in winter.

Live in summer, fade in autumn, die in winter...

Spring wasn't coming back.

_He _wasn't coming back.

Roxas did not know how long he had laid on the frozen ground, but the next thing he knew two officers, his wife, and daughter were above him.

"We found him."

"It's gonna be _al-_right now." the voices were assuring his family.

One of the officers tried to pull him up, but he pushed them away with a strength he didn't know he had.

"No!" he sobbed, clenching at the ground like a mad man. "You can't take him away from me! You can't!"

His daughter's eyes filled with fear, and in her sweet little voice she tried to reason, "Dad, if you don't get out of the cold you'll die."

"LET ME! He's not here, Axel's not here... " he continued on whispering under his breath.

Namine began whispering to her mother, who could this Axel be? A close friend of daddy's? But then why had they never heard or seen him before? Mother didn't know. No one knew. How could they know! None of them really _knew _Roxas! No one, no one on earth... except Axel.

The tears felt like they would never end, nor ever leave as they froze on his face.

_Please_, he begged, _don't take me from him now._

* * *

Imorb: If you don't get it by now I have a horrible… I wouldn't call a fear but… I can't handle temporary things. Just thinking about it will make me a bawling mop of glunk. It's disgusting really.

Short little thing I wrote. Literally had this idea for over a year, but the whole thing grew to a lot more than I could imagine… plot wise. The idea really just started as Roxas being emo on the playground. XD

I'm sorry if things seem over repetitive! This is almost done in Roxas's POV, so it's really suppose to be him trying to think things out… which is really _me thinking things out. Hurhur. _


End file.
